Throughout college, I was friends with a girl we'll call Lulu. She became a part of my inner circle of friends, and all of us studied together, drank together, watched crappy chick flicks together... Even when she graduated and moved across the country, Lulu and I were still friends. Thanks to today's technology, we talked most days, or Snapped each other, and still talked about boys and gave each other advice on if that was a good shirt to wear for a date.
Our last semester, Lulu had started dating a boy. Let's call him Chuck--that's an equally douchey name for him. Chuck was awful. He was a misogynist, he was rude, and he emotionally wreaked havoc on my best friend (Lulu).
When she moved across the country, Chuck just got worse. He was manipulative, and I was privy to many of their arguments as Lulu sent me screenshots trying to figure out why he was angry. Quickly, it became evident that Chuck was monstrously insecure. Lulu couldn't be friends with any men, and Chuck bought her a fake engagement ring from Walmart to wear to bars so she wouldn't get hit on.
All of this was a precursor to what ultimately led to a monstrous fall out between Chuck and I. He came to me asking about Lulu's friendship with a coworker. I lost all patience with him--he was always so rude, and I told him that no matter what ever happened, I would always choose Lulu over him, and that I thought he didn't deserve it.
It's been a year since then, and Lulu and I are no longer friends. She and Chuck are still dating, but I've long since deleted him from Facebook. You might be wondering why I'm sharing this personal story with you--and my answer is simple. It's ok to cut ties with someone who is toxic.
It's a scary thing, realizing that someone with whom you've shared so much is hurting you. No red flags I pointed out to Lulu were enough to show her that Chuck was a terrible person. She became someone our friends and I didn't recognize.
When there are people in your life who are detrimental to your own well-being, it's ok to cut them out. Toxic people are just that, and the negativity can be contagious. The people who truly deserve to be in your life are those who add something to it. Those who inspire you, those who encourage you, those who make you a better person... There is never anything wrong with removing people from your life who negatively impact you.
I wish Lulu all the best, truly I do. But I also hope that she doesn't marry Chuck, because it doesn't take much to see him as being emotionally abusive. But they won't be a part of my life, because as a friend, I deserve better. As you grow up, you have to know your worth.